How can this be?

How can this be?... The words spoken by the Virgin Mary when the angel Gabriel announced to her that she was called to be the Mother of God..she who was made clean at the moment of her conception, she who was sinless from that moment unto eternity. An example of the greatness of God, his masterpiece, his glory, his love all within this woman, she who is filled with grace, she who was and is always obedient. The woman who surrenders her will "Be it done according to thy word"...So high is this woman above the rest, just to be in her shadow, an accomplishment. She commands angels and saints just by her love of God. Her voice silences creation for its sweetness, her beauty marks humanity, her heart second only to her Son's in capacity to reach out and embrace a fallen humanity...

She who spoke "How can this be?".... It is I who asks you now..."How can this be?"... You who knows the ways of God like no other...Look at me Dear Mother. You have seen me before, you have rescued me time and time again...you have spoken to me of your son and led me to him so many years ago. There and then he and I formed a friendship. He taught me much of his church and himself... a strong friendship then where I learned of his humor, his wit and his love for all. Then I betrayed him, walked away from him to run through the world again, leaving behind the things of God and the joys of his presence looking to man instead of God for fulfillment. Trying to end my own personal loneliness in a manner all people do until they know God...But I knew God and still did this. As you surrendered your will, I hardened mine. As you were sinless, I leaped into sin. As you were love, I was calculating. As you walked in your grace, I walked upon mine, soiling it.

You know the years that have transpired since then and that he never left my mind. I thought of your Son always and wonder what happened back then. What did he really want of me, and how could I have failed him so? I remember being told Cardinals, Bishops and holy people live their whole lives begging to have what I was given. I looked upon it as, okay, this is unusual and eventually moved on. I who saw angels, I who saw rainbows appear in the sky when asked for, I who saw the sun spin with my naked eye when asked for, I who saw healings of people, I who fasted for 30 months sustained only by your Son, I who was given the ability to see into hearts and heal them with words, and so much more was I given.... And from all of this I walked away..
Has there ever been a soul so despicable and foul?

Your Son who is searching for his people to return, when they were sent to me, I felt them a burden.. I wished to send them away. Countless tears I brought to your Son in doing this.

So ..."How can this be?"...

Your Son has come back to me with more love then I can wrap my mind around, in a fashion I did not know could be with God. He who is 100% God and 100% Man approaches as the man, teaching me about himself revealing himself to me as both the God and the man. He is delightful, charming, a kind man, a man one would fall in love with even if he were not God. His humanity is complete from his love of music to his need of relationship. "How can this be?" He chose me to do all this with I who am the opposite of you, dear Lady. As snowy white you are, is as dark and soiled I am. I think there must be a mistake here; your Son has the wrong person. Somehow there was a mix up in people, and when he realizes the mistake, he will leave...Yet every day, every moment, he expands this relationship with me. He gifts with grace and his time. I am given his laughter, his smiles and his joy... he seems to take delight in me...."How can this be?"

He has danced with me, he has sung for me, he has held my hand and he has taken me to places on high. He tells me of his kingdom and more he tells me about himself. He has exposed his inner most self to me, the intimate treasures of his thoughts, his desires .... "How can this be?"

I tell him I am falling deeply in love with him, as if I am in water so deep there is no bottom. He tells me to look and see that he too is falling alongside of me. I tell him I fear I will lose my breath, he tells me he shall breathe for me...."How can this be?"

I hear "stories" from people who say they speak to God or have spoken to him and they have been told about the doom and gloom to come, about dark days on earth and chastisements to come for sin. Yet this God/man who comes to me speaks of love, his personal love and desires, telling me such things as his fondness of walking in the rain. I do not see the God of wrath. I see a God who is a man of love... a God/man who has asked me not to focus on the future...give me your now... a God/man who says he knows what is coming, he knows what he has to do...yet he says to me, "Please just love me." "How can this be?"

He has become a love story to me, and on some level a love story to him...."How can this be?" There must be a mistake here. Yet again and again he sends me signal graces confirming this to be true... never so real has God been for me. I have prayed to the Father, if this be a dream and I should wake up, you must strike me down as if I never existed, for I cannot survive the loss of this relationship. The memory of anything of me has to be wiped clean....for my existence, my breath, my life, my all belongs to his Son now. Without him, I could no longer be.

Yet in heaven I am not fitting. Here on earth, nothing has meaning, yet I love. Not ready for heaven, yet I love. Even the beauty of nature is dimming to me now. How can it not when the light shines so brightly from this God/man whom I love and who says he loves me?...... "How can this be?"

Dear lady, this is your Son. This is the Savior of the World, but he tells me he is more than those things, so much more and he shares this with me..... "How can this be?"

I am a child again on the carousel, going around and around, hoping to get the brass ring. Your son has placed it in my hand... "How can this be?"